Growing up I never felt like I was beautiful enough. I compared myself to other kids from a very young age. I remember it was around kinder when I noticed that some of the other cuter kids were treated a little more differently than myself by the staff.
I was just under the age of 5, when I started noticing that people were treated differently depending on how they looked, their age and race.
In primary school at a young age of 6 and 7 I was always so particular about how I did my hair and how I looked hoping it would make me popular and well liked.
Boys used to pull out my hair and pick on me, which caused a great amount of stress because I was always so worried about what I looked like. I thought yet again it was because I wasn’t as beautiful as some of the other girls and if I made myself more attractive this wouldn’t happen to me!
I think about it now and at some stage when I was young “I decided” that the prettier I was, the more protected I would be from bullies and the more well liked I would become. This has carried with me through out my life, and has shaped me to who I am today.
I remember reading letters from my parents telling me how beautiful I was in high school because I had such low self esteem, It made me cry more than ever reading this letter because I knew how I spoke to myself was so mean I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy.
I was a beautiful looking girl, happy, social, fit but somewhere deep inside sat a villain that robbed me of being confident in my body and it got in the way of my happiness growing up “my mind”.
Because I held an opinion on myself that I was less attractive than other girls, it made it more difficult to go deeper in intimate relationships when I grew older because I saw life just on the surface rather than seeing people for who they really are.
In March 2012 I realized I was suffering depression. I was holding a lot of feeling and emotion inside that I had locked up and held in for years. I had to face the person within so I moved from Melbourne Australia to Toronto Canada and went on a self discovery journey.
Connecting with myself and learning to love every bit of who I am has been one of the greatest experiences of my life. I can walk down the street without makeup on without feeling insecure, I am proud of my body and what it does for me, I am confident in the woman I am and who I have become (this has taken me years!)
Do you know at what point ladies you told yourself you were unattractive or not good enough? When did this happen? Where were you? Remembering this can help you change the story on your love and admiration for who you are!
Understanding our story, realizing it isn’t serving a purpose anymore and creating a new one is one of the coolest things we can do for ourselves! We are the creators of who we are and at any point we are able to change that to suit where we are going in life.